i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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