A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
