Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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