Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
