we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
