I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
