you would pick up someone in the library
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
