You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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