Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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