i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
