My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
