when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
