no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
