I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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