I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
