like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
