New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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