I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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