you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He called his prostate his "boner button".
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
