guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
