the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
