If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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