this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
