just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
