Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
