can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
