I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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