I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
