I accidentally had phone sex last night
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
