proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
