my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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