One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
