Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
