it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
