Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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