so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
