"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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