Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
