Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
