I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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