i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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