is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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