Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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