Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
