someone threw a dead crab at me
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
