Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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