I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
