She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
