I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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