I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
