Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
