I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
